Delaney Migues

Survivor of Re-Creation Retreat

““I arrived at Re-Creation Retreat towards the beginning of when they opened. I was the first of 9 girls; we were like the guinea pigs. Imagine a place that girls with mild to severe mental health illnesses, substance abuse, sex trafficking, involvement in the juvenile justice system, and
disabilities are all thrown under one roof.

The girls ranged from age twelve to seventeen (some being forced to stay at age eighteen). All residents were forced to complete the same program requirements despite diagnosed disabilities or age differences.

During my time, I remember the youngest resident there was often times bullied and picked on due to her age. Sometimes the residents clearly need a higher level of care. I was traumatized by a bedmate my first couple months there as she cut herself and begged for my roommates and myself to kill her. When this knowledge was provided to staff, the resident was severely punished for self-harming. She continued to feel suicidal but hid it from staff and in therapy due to fear of being prosecuted.

My intake took several hours. Everything I owned was immediately taken from me. My parents were advised to not even say good-bye to me. I was given forms to complete. Some of the questions were very intrusive. For example, I was asked how early I had had sex and with how many boys. They took a photo similar to a mug shot and documented all of my scars/birthmarks. I was told by staff that this was done in case a girl attempted to try to run away. As I recall I was provided a paper stating that my parents were no longer my guardians and RCR was able to make decisions for me such as medical decisions.

Upon arrival I had only 4 pairs of underwear. I had refused to write my parents for roughly 3 months which resulted in having to write a 1,000 word essay every Sunday. If you didn’t write your ‘once a week letter’ you got an essay instead. Finally, I went to ███████ and put a request form in for underwear. I was told by ███████ that he would not notify my parents I needed more underwear unless I wrote them a letter. I started to have to turn my underwear inside out. A staff, ███████, felt sorry for me and found a way to get me new ones. Unfortunately, due to other reasonings, she was fired by ███████ but she later sued him for reasons under the Fair Labor Standards Act and won the lawsuit.

There had been almost no credentialed staff during my whole stay. Only ███████ was credentialed as he was the only individual actually licensed. He was also all the resident’s therapist, even though he also made the final decisions if girls could progress in the program or go home. Naturally, no girl was honest with him and everyone faked their therapy. The program was filled with nepotism as his entire family and his friends worked at the program, including his underage children.

I had less than 10 therapy sessions during my entire stay and most of them were with family. All sessions felt like I was consistently told I was a bad daughter and person. I was told all problems between myself, and my parents were my fault. It was common knowledge that if you did not act like you had completely “changed” you would not go home. Many other girls were not provided consistent therapy despite asking for it. I remember my first therapy session with ██████. I was being asked what sexual things I had done. Clearly, this made me uncomfortable as I was a sixteen-year-old girl being asked this by a middle-aged man.

Sometimes we would have groups where other residents and staff members were able to verbally berate and critique anything about you. You were not allowed to respond or defend yourself. This created a space that allowed bullies to pick on other not as popular residents.
No staff were trained to do physical restraints during about six months of my stay. For example, there was this girl, many of us feared named ███████. There was one time her behavior had escalated to getting physical. She attempted to physically assault another resident, who only
did not get assaulted because she hid in the fridge. The staff could not control or detain her during the entire incident. The resident ended up physically assaulting one of the staff members and the other staff member was scared of her afterwards. The resident then AWOLed. Regardless of the incident, those staff members continued to work there under no more training than they had prior to that day.

I had taken prescribed medication for my ADHD from my psychiatrist since a young age. One day I was waiting in line to receive my medication. The wait was taking extra-long. ███████ was taking quite some time, so I start to get restless and distracted. ███████ told me to write a 1,000-word essay for talking. I then told him I didn’t want my medication as I didn’t want to stay in line and get another essay. He initially had me write another 1,000-word essay for refusing to take my medication. However, when my performance in the program began to
suffer, I requested to get back on my medication. I put in multiple requests forms and was not given an answer or update on my requests. I directly asked ███████ about it and I was told I did not need it. When I was finally home my mom asked me why I was refusing to take my medication. I told her how I requested to be back on them and my mom stated █████ had told her I didn’t want to be on them. This is problematic as he is not a psychiatrist but is making decisions regarding medications.

When I was there during the winter it would snow, and we weren’t allowed to wear our jackets inside. It got as low as 25 degrees Fahrenheit if not lower while I was there. We also weren’t allowed to wear socks or long pants, only shorts to bed. Our room door led to a
hallway with very little insulation, making the nights colder than felt comfortable. On Christmas 2008, while it was snowing, some staff thought it would be a good idea to take us swimming. We went to ███████ ‘s community pool and ███████ house, both staff members. After swimming, I was equipped with nothing more than my sandals, bathing suit, and a towel. After getting out of the pool I remember it being so cold my feet burned in the snow. I ran through the snow with wet hair in attempt to avoid that burning feeling. The coldest day of Kanab during 2008 was December 27 and it was zero degrees (only two days after this took place).

Christmas and Thanksgiving were the only days during my stay that I could eat until satisfied. Residents were required to make all meals and for the majority of my stay we were not monitored by staff or required to follow any proper hygiene requirements when handling food. I recall one time a girl messed up the germade. It was so watery and poor that it had some girls throw up, but we were still made to eat 50% of it. The majority of food was cheap to purchase and loaded with carbs. You weren’t allowed to share food. You couldn’t taste the food as you cooked and prepared it. All your food intake was monitored as you would need to write down the percentage you ate on a log. Forgetting or not doing so resulted in an essay. Girls stole food on numerous occasions. We were often times hungry. Simultaneously majority of us gained lots of weight due to the lack of exercise and the amount of carbs provided.

They had to create a rule due to us girls rushing the tables and trying to get the biggest plates during meals. You could never save your snacks for later, it would be considered contraband, yet another consequence. I recall staff would eat fast food, or other good food in front of us. They would eat our leftovers and if parents sent you a treat, they had to send it for all the girls or you couldn’t have it. For easter my mom sent me a bag of chocolates. I told ███████ that his kids ate my candy, and I would like him to replace it but he said that I could write up a ‘major
disrespect’ if I didn’t change my attitude. He never reimbursed my chocolates so then there weren’t enough for everyone, and we had to cut the chocolates in half, in order to have any at all. I wasn’t allowed to complain to my parents about it either.

Our treatment consisted of substance abuse support group where majority of times we’d watch the television show intervention, which shows other people getting high on illegal substances. “Life skills” which was usually a staff reading out of a self-help book every day. We would have “ED video” which was usually the history channel. You would have “Rec” where we would play a game as a group. There was exercise which was not every day. Usually, exercise consisted of an old Pilates video tape or a dancing with the stars video tape that was about twenty minutes. Very briefly we were allowed to walk or run outside in the morning.

The school used to be in the third room down the hall, it was 8 of us in there, and it was squished. Staff was also living where the new school room is; ██████ and her husband and kids lived at the space by the office but later moved out.███████’s daughter and her husband eventually moved there while she was pregnant, taking their place.

Staff (whom were sometimes men way older than us) had to watch us shave our armpits and legs. Our showers used to be 10 minutes. That’s pressing the 10-minute timers’ button, going to the bathroom to unclothe, bringing your items in the shower, bathe, taking your items out the
bathroom, then be dry and out before that timer went off, so that would leave you with maybe 5 minutes to actually shower. I did not recall having an enjoyable, hot shower once during my entire stay. When I did try the handful of times to take one, it was not warm fast enough or it
was scorching and would burn me. The lotion that was provided felt watered down and left me ashier than before using the product. My elbow was so dry I could scratch people with it. We were also given family dollar shampoo and conditioner.

If you were a level one (all residents when first arriving are on level one) you weren’t allowed to look out the window. Additionally, you can’t sit, look, or talk to another level one. If you bump into another level 1, you can’t say excuse me or sorry. If they were to ask, “can you pass the
milk,” and didn’t realize and handed it to another level one it was an immediate 1,000- word essay. We were also not allowed to remind staff of things or ask questions, as it would result in an essay.
There were so many consequences, and I remember cleaning a lot during my stay. During weekdays there would usually be four or five chores a day. On weekends we would deep clean. Deep cleaning consisted of hours upon hours of cleaning sometimes until the late evening time. During summer we would be expected to landscape by pulling weeds and thorn bushes in extreme weather conditions.  We would not be provided proper gloves oftentimes or there would not be enough for everyone. Some girls would move very slowly and not put effort. However, we were not allowed to finish until everything was completed for that day. Therefore, some girls would work twice as hard as others.

As a social worker and a survivor of residential treatment, I share my story to shine a light on the realities of these programs. Too many voices have been silenced, and too many lives have been shaped by trauma that should have never happened. By speaking out, I hope to bring awareness, push for change, and ensure that no child has to endure what so many of us did. Our past does not define us—but together, we can use it to build a better future.”

– Delaney Migues

Instagram: Delazey (Delaney)

delaney.migues@yahoo.com

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